thinking about things that I think about a lot these days…

So, I’m back from Scotland – obviously, and it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I doubt anyone is even still reading this – but even still, it feels a little incomplete without writing a farewell blog.  Here are some things I’ve learned over the past few months:

I’m attempting to submit to the role that God has put me in.  Some days, it’s easier than others.  Along those same lines, I’ve been attempting to submit to who he made me to be.  He has entrusted this struggle to me.  I’m trying to struggle wisely and well – and to learn more about who he is through it all.  I’ve also been thinking a lot about theology lately.  I’ve come to the conclusion that none of us get it all right.  Not to say that I don’t think it’s important to study and know our theology of who God is – I don’t think there is anything in this life more important than that. (Funny, how you might not know that about me by watching me live out my life…) (disappointed look aimed at myself).  But I do think that we often do ourselves a disservice when we undermine the complexity of God by pigeonholing him into our theology to make Him more congruent in our minds.  I do not think that we have him (and his ways) all figured out, nor do I ever think we will.  Then again – I think that if we understood just a fraction of the way in which he loves us, ‘figuring it all out’ (I think) would pale in comparison to the overwhelming awe that we would experience in just resting in that love.  The way that we are to love one another is only a poor reflection of the way in which he loves us.  Even when a relationship is at its best – and the love is so strong you think your heart might just burst in your chest – that love is nothing compared to how he loves us.

So, if there’s anybody out there still reading, thanks for traveling this journey with me.  It’s been an interesting one.  I think this will be my last post for a while – and if I do start up again, it will probably be totally different, and I’ll be ranting about something else.  Though, I hope that I’ll always be ranting and raving about God’s love for his people – for you, beloved.  Until next time,

Emily

xoxoxo

Thinking about the wisdom of one of my favorite doctors…

Sometimes, life is really hard.  Sometimes, the things you thought were something aren’t really what you thought they were at all.  Sometimes they are.  Sometimes, you’ll have a plan, and you’ll be set in that plan, and then that plan will change without your permission.  Sometimes it won’t.  Sometimes, you’ll be waiting on something to happen – some answer or some direction some movement… and it just doesn’t come.  Sometimes it does.   I’ve been thinking about all of these things a lot lately.  And, I cannot shake the wisdom of Dr. Seuss.  So, I’m going to post it here – because even at age 25, reading it just seems something like salve to my soul sometimes.  Feel free to skip it.  But you’ll only be cheating yourself.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

 

Thinking about random things…

I’m sitting in the Starbucks in Newcastle.  I’ve been sitting here wishing that I could write about what I’m thinking and hearing at the moment… And then I remembered that I put my computer near the edge of my suitcase, making it (relatively) easy to fish out.  In front of me is a man… probably in his mid-40s, accompanied by a woman who is easily in her 80s.  At first, I thought it was a son with his grandmother.  (Normal).  Then, I realized he was calling her by her first name, and thought that perhaps it was a date, as age is not so much an ‘issue’ for the Brits as it is for us Americans.  (Weird).  Naturally, I put my book down to better my listening skills as a nosy coffee-shop neighbor.  I’m now realizing that I think that he might be something of a life coach, if you will.  She’s in some sort of dilemma with her family, and he is forcefully instructing her how to make her way out of it.  It is one of the most bizarre conversations I’ve ever eavesdropped on… and that’s saying A LOT.  It is hilarious.

It’s 3:34 in the afternoon right now, and it feels like the holidays.  It looks like it’s about to turn dark, but it definitely isn’t, as it’s 3:34, as previously mentioned.  I cannot shake the feeling of Christmas.  OHHHHHH SNAP.  He just got REALLY close to her face.  Maybe it IS a date and they’re just a really codependent couple.  I think he was about to kiss her – when he saw the smirking at him.   Busted.  Dang.  Okay – back to feeling like it’s Christmas.  I think it has to do with the cold.  It’s cold here.  And everyone is carrying around packages.  They’ve all just been to the shops apparently.  And the music Starbucks is playing is very good.  There’s a sign outside that said “Our Red cups are on their way!”  When Starbucks gets their red cups, the days just get better, in my opinion.  I realize that it’s ridiculous for my mood to automatically be lifted when I think and feel like the holidays are near… but I don’t think I’m alone in that phenomenon.

On the train ride here, I heard six, count em’, SIX people blow their noses.  It sounded like the trumpet section of a band that is battling with another competing to see who can produce a more astronomical amount of volume.  Sometimes it’s so violent a sound, I’m tempted to look over to see whether or not they’ve busted some sort of blood vessel in their eyes.  I usually resist, though.  I don’t understand it.  Maybe it’s the same in the States, but I feel like in the South, that’s just something that isn’t done.  I have to fight my reflex to automatically sneer and say, “Excuse me… but shouldn’t you go to the bathroom to do that?”  It would need to be done in a polite and Southern way, of course, but it would still need to be done.  But, I don’t want to be that ‘arrogant American’…. so I don’t say anything.  I just bury my head in my book.  But, as having just finished one and started another – I’m taking a break to write this before I really get into the next.  I’ve just read 3 books by Murial Spark.  My brother gave them to me a few years ago – and I’m just now getting around to reading for pleasure.  (Stupid grad school).  I like her work because every book she writes is different from the last.  Every character has its own identity and idiosyncrasies.  There’s no overlap.  I just know that when I start reading it, there is NO TELLING where she’s going to take me.  So I keep reading.  I’m now on my fourth and final M.S. novel.  (Odd couple update:  maybe this guy is just a ‘close talker,’ as Jerry Seinfeld put it.  He’s leaning forward – past the halfway mark on the table.  But she doesn’t seem to be bothered by it.  Oh Europe….)

I like to play a little game I like to call, “Guess where they’re from”.  It’s interesting.  Especially in a place like Newcastle.  I’m finding the closer I get to London, the more difficult it is to tell where someone is from.  Their clothes are always my first clue.  But It also makes a difference when they’ve been here a while.  Even if they’re not from here, they can make you think they are.  (I am attempting this now, by dressing the part, but I think my suitcase is giving me away).  Tourists are easy.  You can spot them from a mile away.  They wear brightly colored rain jackets that make them look like they’re ready for a trek in the Himalayas.  They also have on walking shoes or hiking boots, and they either sport a bag on their hip strapped diagonally over their chest, or they wear fanny packs, so as to reduce the risk of being pick-pocketed.  (Side note: never say “fanny pack” out loud in public in the UK.  It means something ENTIRELY different here…)

The odd couple in front of me is now discussing forgiveness.  The man seems to be the leader in the discussion and the old lady continues to present him with questions on the matter.  He has yet to mention Christ.  No wonder she’s struggling with the idea.  Forgiveness is difficult enough even when the power of God is present.  But I digress.

I wish I could just have the Starbucks music channel playing all the time.  I have no idea what they’re playing… and I can’t use my Shazam because I’m not using my phone here… but to always have access to their always updated and always good playlists… that would be amazing.  Someone should invent that.

Sometimes I have to fight the urge to walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation with them.  It is amazing to me how much time I spend thinking about it – and then the rabbit trails that my mind chases down the with the “what if” paths.

Yesterday, I saw a handicapped taxi van, and I wondered if all of the taxis here are handicapped accessible.  Then I started thinking about how, if all of the taxis were handicapped accessible, and a handicapped person stole a cab from an able bodied person, and then the able bodied person sued the taxi cab company for discriminating against them because they weren’t handicapped, I wondered if they would win.  (That’s an example of one of the types of rabbit trails I chase in my mind).  They won, by the way, in my mind.  The law suit of able-bodied persons vs. handicapped persons was a groundbreaking case, and it set a precedent that would be referenced in hundreds of cases in the future.

I’m going to stop now – because I think at this point, I’m just typing out my random thoughts… and I’m not sure what good that’s doing, other than revealing my true self to whoever choses to read.  It could be good – it could be bad.  It might not matter at all.  I guess we’ll see.  Guess I’ll get into the next book now.  If you’ve read to the end, thank you, and I’m sorry that there wasn’t actually anything of substance in this one.  I’ll write again soon! 🙂

Thinking about how in some ways, we never grow up.

I’ve cried three times since I’ve been in Scotland.  The first was when I skyped with my dog, Lucy.  (The tears were unexpected, to say the least). (My MS roommate helped out with facilitating the interaction with her computer – otherwise, it would have obviously been impossible). The second was when I was walking in the woods and praying and struggling through a lot of hurt, anger, and confusion about life and some of the harder truths therein.  The third was just now, while I listened to the last ten minutes of the ‘listen live’ podcast of my church at home in Mississippi, overwhelmed by the grace and truth I received through the last bit of the message presented.

The simple psychology and logic behind the way we were created is evidenced when you’re talking to a child who is coloring.  If you shout at said child for going outside of the lines, the chances are good that the child will probably try harder, and maybe even stay inside of the lines – but not out of freedom or for the enjoyment of coloring.  They feel shamed.  They are afraid to disappoint you – and afraid they won’t live up to the standard you’ve set.  However, when you’re talking to a child who is coloring and you delight in them for doing  one of the things kids do best… which is, of course, coloring – you’ll inevitably see the child work harder on the picture, delighting in the work and being delighted in.  “If the grown up is pleased with me already, I have freedom to try growing without fearing shame or rejection.” (Not that a child would actually experience that exact cognitive process… but you get the picture.)  Try it the next time you see a kid hopping on one foot, or telling a joke.  They don’t have to hop gracefully or tell a joke that’s funny.  Just comment on how awesome it is that they can do that.  They will want to one-up themselves without you even mentioning how well they’re performing.  You know what I’m talking about.  They’ll try to jump higher or faster or tell another, funnier joke (or seven).  It’s just how we were created.  To think that that goes away after we ‘grow up’ is crazy.

Now, don’t hear me wrong: as believers – and as sinners, we need to be rebuked and disciplined.  Without those things, we cannot grow or become holy.  However, I’m constantly amazed that when reminded of how much ***God loves me, and how He intercedes for me – how He longs for me – how He knows me, and how He will fight for me, how faithful He is – and how good He is – that He is jealous for me (not to be confused with ‘jealous of me’, thank you very much, Oprah…), how He calls me ‘Beloved’ – that he prays for me*** (again, intercession) – The knowledge of these things moves me toward a desire for holiness.  I have a desire to glorify the God who loves me perfectly.  That is motivation to keep from sinning.   (also, sin destroys us – there are lots of reasons to keep from sinning – just so we’re clear, but that’s not my main point here).  I want to please him because he loves me unconditionally.  How could you not want to please someone who loves you unconditionally?  I feel like a kid who can’t color worth a flip, who’s precious father put up my scribbly work on the refrigerator.  If you think I won’t be trying harder and working on improving my coloring skills, you’re crazy.  I’m so thankful that that’s the kind of God I serve.

And to those who speak this truth – thank you.  (Wanna give a shout out to the leadership at Highlands Presbyterian Church in Ridgeland, MS) 🙂

***Verses backing up the truths I mentioned above:
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26
Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am. John 17:24a
But if anyone loves God, he is known by God. 1 Corinthians 8:3 (knowledge of someone refers to deep and intimate knowledge)
The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. Exodus 14:19, Our God will fight for us. Nehemiah 4:20b
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the Faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations. Deut. 7:9
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28
Thus says the Lord of hosts: I am jealous for Zion with great jealousy, and I am jealous for her with great wrath.
My beloved is mine and I am his. Song of Solomon 2:16
1 Peter, 1 John, 3 John, Jude, Isaiah… lots of where God’s people are sweetly called Beloved
John 17***  Go see for yourself! 🙂

Thinking about my lack of appreciation…

I’m sure you’re getting sick of me posting things that I read – but they grab my attention so much and keep me thinking on them for days at a time, I think it would be silly of me to try to explain where I am without giving you the source of it.

I just finished Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger.  It’s a good book – and makes you think.  It will also, more than likely, drive you crazy – but it makes you think.  I love books with neurotic characters.  They’re usually my favorite characters, although I don’t think I’d ever be friends with such people in real life. I’d love to work with them in therapy – but I don’t think I could be friends with them.  The difference is huge.

Anyway, in a moment of clarity, Zooey says, “For a psychoanalyst to be any good with Franny at all, he’d have to be a pretty peculiar type.  He’d have to believe that it was through the grace of God that he’d been inspired to study psychoanalysis in the first place.  He’d have to believe that it was through the grace of God that he wasn’t overrun by a (replacing the real word here with a different) *dadgum* truck before he ever even got his license to practice.  He’d have to believe that it’s through the grace of God that he has the native intelligence to be able to help his *dadgum* patients at all.  I don’t know any good analysts who think along those lines.  But that’s the only kind of psychoanalyst who might be able to do Franny any good at all.  If she got somebody terribly Freudian, or terribly eclectic, or just terribly run-of-the-mill – somebody who didn’t even have any crazy, mysterious gratitude for his insight and intelligence – she’d come out of analysis in even worse shape than Seymour did.  It worried the hell out of me, thinking about it.  Let’s just shut up about it, if you don’t mind.”

Sobering words.  And a really good book.

I don’t know if there is anything better than reserve wine, baked cheese (like brie or camembart) , and gourmet chocolates.  I really don’t.  And when you have them all at the same time (which for obvious reason, you can’t do on a regular basis), you have a recipe for a delicious night.  I may or may not be having such a night.

I finished reading Peace Like a River.  I am in love with the book and plan to read it immediately after my friend finishes it, as she ‘had to’ after being in the same room as me and me laughing out loud with each turn of the page.  Anyway, this will (probably) be the last time I comment about it – but I wanted to quote this bit, because I feel like he understands the internal process I experience on SUCH a regular basis.

This guy summed up something that I’ve been trying to describe to people for years.  He seamlessly described the internal process that goes on inside of me on a fairly regular basis, in a way that few people seem to understand:
(To give you some sense of set-up for the story, Holgren was the superintendent, a very mean and no-nonsense kind of man, and he was wearing a stupid pilgrim hat for the school’s thanksgiving feast, as all the children were, and someone had written “SHOOT ME!” on his hat without him knowing. The narrator is describing a time when he was 11. – now you’re caught up).

“Well, I saw that and wanted to laugh.  Not just wanted to – I tell you that laugh was down in my stomach, like bad beef; it meant to come out.  Desperately I strove for placid thoughts; which meant, of course, not looking at Mr. Holgren’s hat.   Not thinking these words.  And yet, they called me like a summons, like a hissed invitation, SHOOT ME!, calling to the laugh inside my belly.  You want torture?  A giggle crept up the old esophagus; I swallowed it down.  My eyeballs watered.  The worst of it was I seemed to be the only kid who’d noticed.  Either that or every one else had iron control, a terrible thought.  I looked around; glazed faces everywhere.  No one had seen! Oh, but that moment was a lonesome place. Mr. Holgren talked on; I molared the inside of my cheek; the laugh stayed put but I felt it down there, accruing strength.  Goodness it made me nervous.  I chanced a look at Mr. Holgren. SHOOT ME!, plain as day! I swallowed about twelve times.  Then Peter Emerson leaned over to my ear. “Bang,” he whispered.  I knew defeat.  Through mouthplastered hands the laugh ripped forth – a ruddy bray that condemned me to the stares of aghast pilgrims and who knew what violent repercussions at the hands of Mr. Holgren.  I laughed so hard my sight went dark.  I laid my forehead down on the table to sob.  Did anyone laugh with me? Who knows?  I do remember it felt solitary, as the wave rolled off, and I remember looking up through tears to see the glaring superintendent, death in a hat, SHOOT ME! still writ upon his mighty crown, and I remember wishing I could arrange to be shot at that moment and have it done with.”

Things I promised I’d mention…

Okay, so first, I’ll tell you about the things I promised I would.

1.) Paint pots in the UK are bottles of fingernail polish.  I found this out at the local grocery store.  I picked some up and contemplated purchasing – but then I noticed that they cost 3 pounds, which turns into 6 dollars. Now, I’m fine with paying 6 dollars for a bottle of good fingernail polish, or three dollars for fingernail polish that you buy at the grocery store – but 6 dollars for a bottle of grocery store fingernail polish just seemed absurd.  (And that was the cheapest kind.  They had some that was 4 pounds…(8 dollars)… some that was 5 pounds.. you get the idea.)…And yes, I do realize that I just did parentheses inside parentheses – but it’s just something I do.  Get over it.  🙂 (meant to be read in the most polite Southern accent as is imaginably possible).

2.) A lot of times, here, instead of saying “pastries” they’ll say “pasties”.  Or maybe it’s that “pasties” are a specific kind of pastry… the details of that are still a little unclear to me.  But as soon as I saw that, I busted out laughing, as “pasties” in the US are stick on…ehhhh…’petals’ if you will, that replace a bra for formal events and/or outfits where one does not want a bra strap to show.  Imagine the private humor I enjoy when I see advertisements for “DELICIOUS PASTIES” plastered all over the place.  It’s great.

3.) They don’t have cake mix here.  They DO… but I’ve only seen it in really expensive grocery stores, and even then, it’s not the kind you’d hope for.  I’m hoping to make some dessert dishes for our Thanksgiving celebration.  One requires regular cake mix, and another spice cake mix (and you can forget about finding THAT over here)… and sadly, I have NO IDEA how to make ‘cake mix’ out of the raw ingredients.  Any suggestions?

4.) Did you know that when you’re not in the US, you can’t watch things on your computer.. like Hulu.com, ABC.com, or NBC.com?…  Because you can’t.  If, say, you’re planning on leaving the country for 3 or so months at a time, and you love to watch certain shows, and you’re planning on watching them for free, online, you can kiss that plan goodbye.  It’s something to do with a stupid International Streaming Rights Agreement or something.  At least that’s what pops up on the screen when you try to watch it.  “Oops! It appears that you’re outside of US territory.  Currently, our video library can only be streamed from within the United States.”  Stupid law.  I did a little research and found out that a few of the shows that I like to watch on a regular basis can be ‘rented’ on itunes for 99cents.  It seems like a fair price to me.  I’m now caught up on the office. 🙂 One show down… 9 to go.  Have I mentioned that I’m a tv/movie junkie?

Thinking about faith…

I told you that I would write on Mondays.  Like it was something I had to do.  So I made the rule for myself: Mondays are for writing.  But that’s the thing about setting rules for yourself.  Once you set them, you always want to break them.  “No eating sugar,” “No cussing,” “Get up early and go for a walk,” “No more coffee – only tea.”  So, maybe it’s just best if I do whatever I please – as that’s always been the “best” thing for me, in my opinion.  Why I continue to set rules for myself, I’ll never know.  When I don’t have rules set for myself, I mindlessly follow them.  It’s when I feel like I have to – that’s when trouble ensues.  I don’t even want to think about what that says about me…

I’m reading Peace Like a River right now.  It is the best book I have ever read, thus far.  I say thus far, because obviously, I haven’t finished it.  But there’s something about this book that’s difficult to describe – but I feel like the author understands me and the innerworkings of my mind in a way that even I can’t describe.  And yet, he does.  Beautifully.  On paper.  If I weren’t so opposed to sounding corny and cheesy, I’d say something like, “It feels like the narrator of the story is my soul-friend.”  I can’t say soul-mate, you see, as I think people would see that and think, “Forgive me, but that’s just too much.”

This morning, as I was up before the sun (because I told myself that I could and would sleep as late as I wanted to), I was reading and watching the dark grey sky turn to a light grey sky, the author described a trip the family was taking – (too many details and I’ll spoil it for you) – but he was comparing their life to that of the Israelites and how they had to walk by faith. It’s not necessarily a ‘Christian’ book, but rather, a book in which the characters are believers in Christ.  I so prefer that.  Anyway, I’ll quote one of the lines that I felt hit the nail on the head – in terms of how I think and feel – and how I became so much more aware of it when he worded it this way: “Once traveling, it’s remarkable how quickly faith erodes.  It starts to look like something else – ignorance, for example.  Same thing happened to the Israelites.  Sure it’s weak, but sometimes, you’d rather just have a map.”

 

Thinking about things that need to be thought about…

I went to Newcastle this weekend.  It was amazing.  I still sometimes have trouble believing that I’ve been given such an incredible opportunity to spend such a great amount of time over here with such wonderful people.  To the Rahaim family: You are the salt of the earth.  For this time with you and for your gracious hospitality, I will be forever grateful.

I’m going over the weekend in my mind, and it really was such a relaxing time for me.  I don’t think I’ve had this much down time in a long time.  I realized on the train ride down, that my UK phone probably rings twice a week, on average now (and both times, it’s my mother asking me to sign in to Skype – which I inevitably cannot.  What IS IT about parental timing??).  Anyway, I began to really settle into the fact that I am not easily accessible these days, and I kind of like it.  Not to say that I don’t love hearing from people – I LOVE getting your emails and facebook messages – but there is something to be said for not being so available 24/7.

Having that much uninterrupted time to myself to think has come at a high cost.  I began the nasty business of self-evaluation and prayer.  There are things I need to forgive.  Things I need to pray for.  Things I should be seeking out.  “Needs” that need to be moved into the “really, they’re just ‘wants’ and I’m a selfish brat” category.  Wisdom to be gained.  Lots of wisdom to be gained.  If you’re reading this, and you are willing to pray for me, please pray that I’ll be given wisdom.  There are friends and family I need to pray for, and yet, sometimes, I don’t.  I forget.  I get wrapped up in my own “needs”.  I heard a really wise person say that she tells people that she’s going to purpose to pray for them, rather than just saying that she will.  I loved that.  How often do we say that we’re going to pray for one another, and then we just forget?  Friends who are reading this – family, if you even realize that I have a blog and I write for you sometimes – I will purpose to pray for you.

I am now gearing down for sleep and my eyelids are getting heavier.  I’m in my temporary room in my temporary home, listening to the wind.  It sounds a lot like thunder far off in the distance – especially when it’s coupled with rain, like it is tonight.

For some reason, I feel compelled to apologize for not including a funny story or a quick-witted phrase here or there… but know that I do have some funny bits for you.  I intended on writing those tonight, but when I started writing, the serious stuff is  what came out, so forgive me, and don’t stop reading.  Unless you choose to – and if you do, that’s fine.  But know that if you do, you won’t get to hear all about expensive grocery store paint pots, pasties, cake mixes (or the lack thereof), and the STUPID STUPID STUPID International Streaming Rights Agreement.  🙂

I hope I haven’t lost you.  Thanks for reading! I hope you’ve enjoyed it.   xoxo

Thinking about things that are different…

Things are different here in Scotland.  Not all things – but there are enough to make a note of.  For instance: If there was a speed limit sign in the US, it would say, “SPEED LIMIT: 20” – but I saw a speed limit sign here that had the number 20 in a circle with the words, “Twenty’s Plenty” underneath it.  I think that’s funny.

And on the way to church today, I saw a store front that said, “Brittle Bone Society.”  You’ve gotta give it to them… It’s much easier to say and understand than osteoporosis.  Don’t worry.  I checked to make sure I knew what the “Brittle Bone Society” actually is.  And yes, it’s osteoporosis.

Church was different too.  It was good – and the preaching was spot on, theologically, which is something that is very important to me.  However, I did find that it was very difficult to get into a real worshiping spirit, as they sings songs out of the psalter – and they sing them acapella.  I did know one of the tunes, but the other 4 songs I wasn’t familiar with. Without accompaniment music or familiarity, it was difficult.  I can’t tell if it was difficult because I didn’t like it or if it was difficult because it was different.  I’m thankful I have more time to figure that one out.

After church, there was a congregation-wide luncheon, followed by coffee, tea, and puddings (which is Scottish for ‘desserts’ — and I’m so glad I found that out ahead of time because I could see THAT lending itself to some pretty embarrassing situations). One of the ladies at church asked me if she had met me before, so naturally, I responded with, “Probably not… I’m not from here…” to which she responded, “Well, you must have  a well kent face then.”  (Apparently that means familiar).

Along similar lines, if a Scot says “dinna ken” that means they don’t know.  Just some helpful hints for you – should you ever decide to come here.  If not, you don’t have to use them as helpful hints – but rather, you can imagine me in funny situations, in which I learn these things the hard way.

Another thing I’m learning the hard way, is that they (for the most part) are much less emotional than the average American.  That goes for all emotional responses.  If they’re happy, they’ll maybe smile and say, “that’s nice,” and if they’re sad, they’ll maybe furrow their brow and say, “oh…”  and if something is funny, they might chuckle a time or two.  I’m not sure they quite know what to do with me, as I’d say that my facial expressions alone are more expressive than any words they’d like to say.

BUT, I’m definitely overgeneralizing – and I’m probably not being very fair.  I’m stereotyping pretty heavily, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt.  I’ve only been here for a week – and I’m sure I’ll want to eat these words when I leave here.

I think that’s all for now.  I hope you’ve enjoyed what I’ve had to say today.  Thanks so much for reading!